Beautiful Tragedies

mood: waiting

song: sountrack

locale: bedroom floor

of all the most remarkable things that have happened in the short span of my lifetime.. i have found it. The one thing that makes a person most happy in the universe in which we live is God. He truly is. and His love is so amazingly given.

the hippie band is the new fad of choice that i follow quite dedicatedly. i have several.. no one else seems to understand that it is quite the rage now.. according to myself and noone else. i prefer it that way. individuality must speak out in some way. whether it be acceptable or not at any given time is adherently decided by persons such as Elizabeth Bennet. she is quite the heroine you know. quite a lovely girl. such gumption all wrapped up in one body should be resisted in today's time and place, and yet we seem to encourage it in the most unbeguiling ways.

swallows.. i've become quite obsessed with the little darlings as of late. they interest me to no end. i believe its the symbolism. freedom. uniqueness. individual strengths and hope that it brings.

As written before, i'm determined to fall in love. i have found the man i wish to settle with in the future, now it is just to convince him that we are quite destined to be in unity with one another. he may not quite see it my way, but i hope he shall one day. his name? Tim Robertson. Quite a handsome bloke.. strong features.. good shape. But what has capture this yielding heart? not his good looks or his smothering charm, or his good manners, or standing in society, no. it is his Heart that seems to be as big as the sky.. and as open. His love is passionate.. and growing.. all in the nature of our Saviour Jesus. that is what will bring us together.. that is what will bring us to life. that is what will determine our livilihood.. and our happiness. and i cannot wait for him to love me. so i can get started on liking him. backwards? possibly. but it will work. and i'll keep you posted.

he will be my beloved one day. which is a good thing. and he just discovered his need for coffee today, so there is hope for the two of us yet in this life. we both tend to have nerd and free spirit qualities, and to the blessing of the Lord they will work out it in the best way..

the beautiful tragedy? that he is unaware.

that he cannot see me as of yet.. but he will.

that i had to go through so many different guys to end up at him.

that i couldn't wait long enough to let him be my first everything.

that i have everthing to give to him.

that he loves another.

that i may never be good enough or deserving of a man of his caliber.

that i act like a git in his presence.

but thats all going to be fine. (:

Young Coyotes.

song:ballerina
mood:reflective
local:floor of the bedroom...again

my nose is fat. it was abruptly brought to my attention today while taking pictures. it has a slightly wide bridge! for all these years, i've felt as if my face were quite lovely, but now I see my nose as a humongously large appendage on my face! its horrid! bloody horrid.

so as you know, i made a vow to push myself into society. well thats been going famously.. if only i could dream for that.. i've gone on several dates since then.. two with a bloke named Spencer, and a casual flirtation with a boy named Michael, but i know who the true victim is going to be.. the most handsome fellow my eyes have beheld, and with some luck (and some powder to disguise my fat nose), and prayer, he will be mine.

in the most reprehensive form of honesty, i am only sitting in my floor writing to you now in need to procrastinate just a while longer before completing the final pages of my paper that is due tomorrow morning. i daresay its a wonderful piece of work.. it makes absolutely no sense, but hopefully the mistress will be able to understand it enough that is passes. i just need the credits.. and then off to graduate school.

today was a complete disaster. last night i took a muscle relaxer, and did not take note of the time.. it was ingested around 10 30 pm. I was awoke this morning at about 6 15, and could barely function for all the fog that i was in! getting to the school was torturous.. i dozed through my first class, and completely blanked through my entire second one, only to wake up long enough to finish the last 15 minutes of my third class.

but all is well now. i'm finishing off my second cup of caffienated coffee.. hopefully it will buzz me through the rest of the night.. i hope it does anyway.

well, i'm off to the wonderous land of misguided apprehension in the workings of the world. i shall catch up with you soon.. Cheers.

Deleting the Bad

our fair ex lover has been thoroughly deleted. i hope. his vulgarity can only be stomached for so long. his dire sense of humor. the way he demands things, and pushes himself into the most inappropriate places in my life. disgust. so much disgust can only be bottled for so long before it needs a place to rupture to. and he i find soo utterly repulsive.

and unfortunately, i have found myself on the rebound. i never thought this would happen. i would never need to go through this experience. but its happening. right now. i need an outlet for my affection. my concentration. its sad. horribly sad.

there has been so much snow outside. it comes, then goes. then comes again, then metls away within the hour. such a fickle thing, weather.

But i have made the decision now, to push myself out into society. I have been hibernating in this house for a week. and i need to get myself into the universe. badly. this sort of behavior should not be.. accepted by the normaly functioning citizens of this world. So.. in respect to my decision, i am going to go.. out. i don't know where. i haven't been to the market in months. maybe i should start there.. i usually have it sent for.. but maybe i need this new interaction with the common populace to come to grips with the reality that i am a single person with a life to live..

he's sending messages to my phone. how lovely. and they aren't even considerate.. or kind or nice.. or even happy.. and he doesn't want me.. fine. no more tears. no more heartache. time to face the world, even in the dead of winter.. now on with it. i shall be happy.

its perfectly fantastic the way things turn out. the love you think you have for people. the romance you once envisioned blooming. the people you can touch, or the joy you bring to other people.. the truth is, it's never all that it's cracked up to be. life never does turn its pretty face in the heroines direction more than once, and that is why she is considered the oppressed individual with little to hope for in her future. but all in all, isnt that what makes her the better person?

i have no idea why people try so hard to please others. the effort is hardly noticed. and the only thing worth taking a pleasant eye at is what is most valuable to the person mentioned. greetings are worthless. salutations of well being fall dead after they are spoken. and the hubbub and din of laughter in a quiet corner never has taken anyone out of their ethereal life to a flowing blubbery of mystique in a faraway land.. so why indulge in such a frivolty? its hardly worth the effort.

there is a children's cartoon that is out in publication.. the Sleeping Beauty. I dare say it was my favorite fairytale as a child.. but now i find the promise of a love like that to be an everfading dream that i can never hold within my grasp. the groom is gone. the wedding is no longer. the drama life presents at such times is horribly planned.. and ill timed..

i did have a rather remarkable dream last night.. and it was one filled with love.. and i was incandescently happy.. i was so..bubbly! and it was wonderful! for a short period of time, i had peace, and joy. and it was lovely.

time fades. seasons die. love fails. but all together, life has been good.

Once Upon A Dream

Currently, I am shifting through millions upon millions of photos for reception ideas. I think I've actually found the colors I'm going to use: Blush, Pewter, and Ivory.

I love this color combination, but I'm trying to stay away from it feeling stark, so the reception will most likely be held at dusk, just after midday, so that they glowy feel will reverbate throughout the room. Most likely the theme will be Offbeat Vintage..

It came to me today about how i want to go about the whole affair. The central idea will be Classic Hollywood, so what we'll do is name the table after one of our favorite old-time films, and decorate it accordingly. We have the King's Plaza in Johnson City for our Venue.. so this should turn out just right. We're hoping for June 30th, Lord Willing.

The room has an incredible look, but it mostly feels empty.. So we will be ordering our monogram on 12x4 mirrors to frame parts of the south and west walls.

Once all this is done, I'm hoping that we can pay attention more to the menu's than anything else. We haven't booked a caterer as of yet, and I'm getting a little frazzled. But that's all right. It'll add up eventually if i have to cook myself.

Catch my Eye

I had a love

but once I got it then I couldn't get enough

Sunday comes

and again I find out what I'm running from

Its you and those eyes

when you cross the room I want to run and hide

It's me loving you

and the hurt that comes when you pass me by

It's you wanting her

when you smile and make her laugh then catch my eye

It's the truth

Windows Open

Here it comes again

The slow breath that raises your chest

You smile just a little

And pull the sheets over your head

Bringing me down to your level

A place that I don't want to leave

The sun peeks under the curtain

And pulls back a flash of time

When we both were younger

Just something you whispered to me

Don't ever leave me

I promise that I will be yours

Forever- I will be the man you

See in your dreams

Just let me be your Prince Charming

So don't you leave me, my Prince Charming

You promised me that you never would

I stare out the window

The raindrops fall from the sky

I still feel you beside me

From the place you promised you never would go