Petals

Normal to my Gram happens in the following schedule:  wake up at five a.m. every morning to go walking;  eat oatmeal with blueberries;  watch the 8 o'clock news;  include me in her plan for the day.    Everything with her depends on priority.  Top priority takes precedent over absolutely every other item on any kind of list until it finally can be marked off, bringing in a breath of accomplishment.  That is, until the new tasks start. 
      So far, we've "spring cleaned" all available surfaces in this house.  (Obviously I had the option to do the chores that did not include heavy aerosol arsenal.)  The business portions she handled had been transferred to her branch in town, where I sometimes acted as her personal assistant.  We also became active members in the small pastoral community, visiting the farmers market and other country hubs that brought special magic and meaning to the air. 
      Here, I didn't feel like I had to hide anything.  People may have given me looks on occasion, but that was mostly based on how much food I managed to chuck down in one sitting.  Which was a lot these days. The Gilmore's would be so proud.  But, all in all, there was no judgement.  The usual fakes I may have had to deal with back home weren't lurking in alley ways snap my picture and tell everyone at Bible study what they had seen.
      Every week I tried to take picture of my belly.  Maybe one day when I had the strength to see Tyler again,  I could show him how our baby grew.  I could show him that even turmoil couldn't ruin the weird miracle in my lower region.
     Honestly, pregnancy wasn't all I had thought that it would be.  It felt weird.  There really was no glow.  There was no oozing sense of motherhood that just happened to pour from my veins and touch the world around me. I was nauseous. At night. In the morning. I craved apple juice and nuts and scrambled eggs.  On occasion I did feel like there was a hyperactive rubber ball on the inside. With fingers probably.  Just trying to rubber ball roll his way out.  I figured he was a boy. He felt like a  boy. It was still too early to tell, but I felt like he should be one..
     I knew it was too early to let Tyler go.  I had been the one to do all the pushing. and I knew that. But I knew there were options that would make this whole blessed thing move further and further back into the years of yesterday.. and the options only grew.  Gram had talked to me about adoption, especially after she introduced me to Spence.  He was the local church boy who's father happened to be mayor.. and owner of a large operating section of Gram's business.. convenient.. but he was nice, and he made me smile over the simple stuff.  Oh, and he didn't care that my abdomen was slowly starting to compete with the size of a prize winning watermelon.