Jeremiah 33 will change your life. Go read it.
There is a place in the life of every individual where they feel like they have slipped too far away from God.
There's a place, so secluded, and dark, and hopeless, where you feel like giving up, and never coming back to face the world again. The place where life no longer seems like it worth living..
There's a time where we wonder, and cry out, screaming, God! What did I do wrong? I've repented. I've followed your plan to the best of my ability. I don't understand why I can't feel you anymore. I don't understand why i'm having to face this, deal with this, put up with this. I've asked to be delivered. I've confessed, I've laid my burden down before You like You asked.. and then i wake up to find it haunting me again.
-I once was in a Youth Retreat, in March of 2008, in a state of total rebellion. Sitting through the first service, I was more worried about what I had on rather than the message going forth. In the room, I was the one who turned on Lady Gaga, I was the one who caused all the trouble. There was nothing you could say to me to make me feel any less repentant, no look you could turn my direction to make me hang my head in shame. The next morning wasn't much different. Worship service was a joke to me. Any ministering that may have gone forth was lost on me. Approaching the stand, the special speaker came before us with a heavy heart, wanting so desperately to convey the sermon pressed upon his heart for us--for me.
Scoffing, i sat back. Watching all the "religious suckers" around me immediately turn attentive. "What a bunch of hypocrites" was all i could think.
As the message developed, the more interested i became. He was speaking of the next generation of Pentecostals to come. Words that he spoke were stabbing my soul, I could barely keep the tears at bay. Burden upon burden was pushed down onto my heart, and i knew somehow that he was talking directly to me. I had to respond. When the altar call was given, i ran to the front, wanting to be in the presence of God again.. but it wasn't the right time. My heart still wasn't in the right place, and i was still shutting Him out. Tears came, but i still felt so empty inside. There was a longing with no answer, and i couldn't understand it.
I thought i was ready to come back, but i didn't understand that there was still more for me to experience in this life that would take me to a place i never wanted to go.. but i had to experience it to accomplish His ministry as a carrier in the future.
I was still backslidden, and you may be in the same place today, where you can't understand why you can't feel Him, where you think you've gone wrong too many times for Him to forgive you. But go back to that day where He planted that dream inside of you. Go back to that time where you couldn't express anything but love for Him as He slowly revealed bits and pieces of His plan to you, when you couldn't even understand it.
I thought that i had wronged Him too many times, that He would never hear me again. But His timing is perfect. I would cry out to be delivered, and i began to think that Deliverance was no longer an option. I had to live with the choices i had made.
But He would quietly whisper to me the dreams He had placed in my heart.
He says in His word, "Call to me and I will answer you and show you great and mighty things, fenced in and hidden, which you do not know (do not distinguish and recognize, have knowledge of an understand)." (Jeremiah 33:3, Amp.)
(Jeremiah 33:3-11)
The tribe of Judah didn't understand why they were having to go through the attacks they were facing, but God said, I have it all under control. I will speak to you things you don't understand yet, to give you hope.
(vs 6) You may have to go through a lot. You may have to be beated up and tried, but He promises His healing in the end. His ultimate cure for your heart, His peace. He knows you're going to fail, but he says "I'll forgive you. You may have rebelled against me, but now you understand why. You may have felt distant from me, but I was looking out for you. You may not have understood, but you do now. I have enough grace to cover everything you've ever done. I don't want your guilt, I'll clease you from it. I want to restore your joy, your peace. I want to provide for you now."
It's all for His ultimate plan. Do we understand? Only after He reveals it to you.
He's calling out for you to come. Just come and lay it before Him. He'll take care of you. He wants your heart, your willingness to go through what you have to go through, and when you feel like giving up, run to Him. Just place it before Him, saying I don't understand. I don't know why I have to feel like this. But God, if it's for your plan, for your will, then God, I'm willing to do it. To go through it. Shape me through it.
I'm willing to run to you, I will run, Forever i will run, unto You oh God, where else can i go? Forever i will run.
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