Tuesday, March 23, 2010

Beautiful Tragedies



mood: waiting
song: sountrack
locale: bedroom floor
of all the most remarkable things that have happened in the short span of my lifetime.. i have found it. The one thing that makes a person most happy in the universe in which we live is God. He truly is. and His love is so amazingly given.
the hippie band is the new fad of choice that i follow quite dedicatedly. i have several.. no one else seems to understand that it is quite the rage now.. according to myself and noone else. i prefer it that way. individuality must speak out in some way. whether it be acceptable or not at any given time is adherently decided by persons such as Elizabeth Bennet. she is quite the heroine you know. quite a lovely girl. such gumption all wrapped up in one body should be resisted in today's time and place, and yet we seem to encourage it in the most unbeguiling ways.
swallows.. i've become quite obsessed with the little darlings as of late. they interest me to no end. i believe its the symbolism. freedom. uniqueness. individual strengths and hope that it brings.
As written before, i'm determined to fall in love. i have found the man i wish to settle with in the future, now it is just to convince him that we are quite destined to be in unity with one another. he may not quite see it my way, but i hope he shall one day. his name? Tim Robertson. Quite a handsome bloke.. strong features.. good shape. But what has capture this yielding heart? not his good looks or his smothering charm, or his good manners, or standing in society, no. it is his Heart that seems to be as big as the sky.. and as open. His love is passionate.. and growing.. all in the nature of our Saviour Jesus. that is what will bring us together.. that is what will bring us to life. that is what will determine our livilihood.. and our happiness. and i cannot wait for him to love me. so i can get started on liking him. backwards? possibly. but it will work. and i'll keep you posted.
he will be my beloved one day. which is a good thing. and he just discovered his need for coffee today, so there is hope for the two of us yet in this life. we both tend to have nerd and free spirit qualities, and to the blessing of the Lord they will work out it in the best way..
the beautiful tragedy? that he is unaware.
that he cannot see me as of yet.. but he will.
that i had to go through so many different guys to end up at him.
that i couldn't wait long enough to let him be my first everything.
that i have everthing to give to him.
that he loves another.
that i may never be good enough or deserving of a man of his caliber.
that i act like a git in his presence.
but thats all going to be fine. (:

Thursday, March 18, 2010

Young Coyotes.


song:ballerina
mood:reflective
local:floor of the bedroom...again

my nose is fat. it was abruptly brought to my attention today while taking pictures. it has a slightly wide bridge! for all these years, i've felt as if my face were quite lovely, but now I see my nose as a humongously large appendage on my face! its horrid! bloody horrid.

so as you know, i made a vow to push myself into society. well thats been going famously.. if only i could dream for that.. i've gone on several dates since then.. two with a bloke named Spencer, and a casual flirtation with a boy named Michael, but i know who the true victim is going to be.. the most handsome fellow my eyes have beheld, and with some luck (and some powder to disguise my fat nose), and prayer, he will be mine.

in the most reprehensive form of honesty, i am only sitting in my floor writing to you now in need to procrastinate just a while longer before completing the final pages of my paper that is due tomorrow morning. i daresay its a wonderful piece of work.. it makes absolutely no sense, but hopefully the mistress will be able to understand it enough that is passes. i just need the credits.. and then off to graduate school.

today was a complete disaster. last night i took a muscle relaxer, and did not take note of the time.. it was ingested around 10 30 pm. I was awoke this morning at about 6 15, and could barely function for all the fog that i was in! getting to the school was torturous.. i dozed through my first class, and completely blanked through my entire second one, only to wake up long enough to finish the last 15 minutes of my third class.

but all is well now. i'm finishing off my second cup of caffienated coffee.. hopefully it will buzz me through the rest of the night.. i hope it does anyway.

well, i'm off to the wonderous land of misguided apprehension in the workings of the world. i shall catch up with you soon.. Cheers.