Deleting the Bad

our fair ex lover has been thoroughly deleted. i hope. his vulgarity can only be stomached for so long. his dire sense of humor. the way he demands things, and pushes himself into the most inappropriate places in my life. disgust. so much disgust can only be bottled for so long before it needs a place to rupture to. and he i find soo utterly repulsive.

and unfortunately, i have found myself on the rebound. i never thought this would happen. i would never need to go through this experience. but its happening. right now. i need an outlet for my affection. my concentration. its sad. horribly sad.

there has been so much snow outside. it comes, then goes. then comes again, then metls away within the hour. such a fickle thing, weather.

But i have made the decision now, to push myself out into society. I have been hibernating in this house for a week. and i need to get myself into the universe. badly. this sort of behavior should not be.. accepted by the normaly functioning citizens of this world. So.. in respect to my decision, i am going to go.. out. i don't know where. i haven't been to the market in months. maybe i should start there.. i usually have it sent for.. but maybe i need this new interaction with the common populace to come to grips with the reality that i am a single person with a life to live..

he's sending messages to my phone. how lovely. and they aren't even considerate.. or kind or nice.. or even happy.. and he doesn't want me.. fine. no more tears. no more heartache. time to face the world, even in the dead of winter.. now on with it. i shall be happy.

its perfectly fantastic the way things turn out. the love you think you have for people. the romance you once envisioned blooming. the people you can touch, or the joy you bring to other people.. the truth is, it's never all that it's cracked up to be. life never does turn its pretty face in the heroines direction more than once, and that is why she is considered the oppressed individual with little to hope for in her future. but all in all, isnt that what makes her the better person?

i have no idea why people try so hard to please others. the effort is hardly noticed. and the only thing worth taking a pleasant eye at is what is most valuable to the person mentioned. greetings are worthless. salutations of well being fall dead after they are spoken. and the hubbub and din of laughter in a quiet corner never has taken anyone out of their ethereal life to a flowing blubbery of mystique in a faraway land.. so why indulge in such a frivolty? its hardly worth the effort.

there is a children's cartoon that is out in publication.. the Sleeping Beauty. I dare say it was my favorite fairytale as a child.. but now i find the promise of a love like that to be an everfading dream that i can never hold within my grasp. the groom is gone. the wedding is no longer. the drama life presents at such times is horribly planned.. and ill timed..

i did have a rather remarkable dream last night.. and it was one filled with love.. and i was incandescently happy.. i was so..bubbly! and it was wonderful! for a short period of time, i had peace, and joy. and it was lovely.

time fades. seasons die. love fails. but all together, life has been good.