Petals

Normal to my Gram happens in the following schedule:  wake up at five a.m. every morning to go walking;  eat oatmeal with blueberries;  watch the 8 o'clock news;  include me in her plan for the day.    Everything with her depends on priority.  Top priority takes precedent over absolutely every other item on any kind of list until it finally can be marked off, bringing in a breath of accomplishment.  That is, until the new tasks start. 
      So far, we've "spring cleaned" all available surfaces in this house.  (Obviously I had the option to do the chores that did not include heavy aerosol arsenal.)  The business portions she handled had been transferred to her branch in town, where I sometimes acted as her personal assistant.  We also became active members in the small pastoral community, visiting the farmers market and other country hubs that brought special magic and meaning to the air. 
      Here, I didn't feel like I had to hide anything.  People may have given me looks on occasion, but that was mostly based on how much food I managed to chuck down in one sitting.  Which was a lot these days. The Gilmore's would be so proud.  But, all in all, there was no judgement.  The usual fakes I may have had to deal with back home weren't lurking in alley ways snap my picture and tell everyone at Bible study what they had seen.
      Every week I tried to take picture of my belly.  Maybe one day when I had the strength to see Tyler again,  I could show him how our baby grew.  I could show him that even turmoil couldn't ruin the weird miracle in my lower region.
     Honestly, pregnancy wasn't all I had thought that it would be.  It felt weird.  There really was no glow.  There was no oozing sense of motherhood that just happened to pour from my veins and touch the world around me. I was nauseous. At night. In the morning. I craved apple juice and nuts and scrambled eggs.  On occasion I did feel like there was a hyperactive rubber ball on the inside. With fingers probably.  Just trying to rubber ball roll his way out.  I figured he was a boy. He felt like a  boy. It was still too early to tell, but I felt like he should be one..
     I knew it was too early to let Tyler go.  I had been the one to do all the pushing. and I knew that. But I knew there were options that would make this whole blessed thing move further and further back into the years of yesterday.. and the options only grew.  Gram had talked to me about adoption, especially after she introduced me to Spence.  He was the local church boy who's father happened to be mayor.. and owner of a large operating section of Gram's business.. convenient.. but he was nice, and he made me smile over the simple stuff.  Oh, and he didn't care that my abdomen was slowly starting to compete with the size of a prize winning watermelon.
        

Officially

I stared out my window for weeks.  Guilt moved me inside, a recluse from reality.  My mother cried all the time, my dad barely spoke.  We all just moped around, lifeless, dull, waiting for a spark of energy to zap the house.  Mostly we examined my abdomen.   Sometimes Mom would come and sit with me, place her hand on the barely there bump, and just sigh.  I wondered if she were ever going to love me again, talk to me the way we used to, ever move past the way we were acting. 
     After Tyler had left to go back to football camp that weekend, I cut off all contact with him.  He deserved more than a future like this.  Watching the movies and reading the books could never have prepared me for what the truth experience was really like, but here it was in my lap, just wasting time like the rest of us. 
     My grandmother was the last person i wanted to include in the joyous occasion, but she surprisingly turned out to be the best thing that could have ever happened to me.  Level headed and cool, she chauffeured me to all the best baby depots and maternity stores, making sure I knew that if I were going to have the baby, I better have a way to bring it into the world.  I listened half-heartedly.  Honestly, it barely felt like consciousness anymore.  The gaping hole inside my chest grew larger everyday.  Finally, i blocked Tyler's calls.  Having five or six missed messages a day was more than i could handle.  Space was all I wanted.  That dark place where the empty caverns are your best friends that understand exactly what you're going through.
     When Gram suggested we go to her Winter house for a few months, i jumped at the chance.  A new place with a new town was all that I wanted.  Scandalous events were not too common for my families name, so keeping this baby underwraps would be the best thing, you know, concerning the circumstances. 
    
     "Pick any of the rooms you want.  I'll tell Charlise what to pick up from the store, so if there's anything you need, just tell her.  If you need me, I'm going to be in the North side. Just follow the hall."
     Ash plunked her luggage ontop the bare mattress, wondering what this house must have looked like in its prime.  The winter house for the Brooke's family was just south of Atlanta, buried in the leftover Smoky Mountains, surrounded by forest and ancestoral plantation fields.  The marble pillars and ceramic floors created a grand contrast against the gently countryside.  Ash chose the room with the best South view, the one she and her mother used to share when they would come visit Gram just weeks before Christmas.  All the family visits had stopped once Harold P. Brooke passed, leaving Gram his business to run and property to attend.  She had sold off most of his investements, but had always kept this house.  "It's too full of mystery and history to let some stranger move in.  Harry would have wanted it to stay. So that's what i'm going to do."
     Fluffing out sheets and pulling crinkly covers from their plastic casings, Ash breathed the cooling air.  The windows were open to tug in some cedar scents, as well as chase away any cobwebs left in the cracks.  "No need to have the crew clean it on such a short notice.  We'll just show up and take care of what we need. The rest will fall into place," Gram had assured her repeatedly that their stay wouldn't be a bother to the groundskeepers.  "What else do we pay them for? To sit around and look darling?"
     When the folding and hanging had been done, Ash pulled out her secret box.  Inside remained the two most precious items left to her on earth.  The collection of sticky notes that Ty had left her, and their picture taken together at his last game.  She mourned the two innocent faces, lost in romance and passion with no thought for tomorrow.  Heart breaking, she slid it under her bed, counting the moments until the sun would come up again.

First Run Fancy

Never a pain so strong as that as anticipation.  She sinks her slippery fingers to pull doubt, malice, fear, and hate into the nether regions of our conscience.  Ashton and Tyler quietly huddled together on the center sofa, staged to present an humble facade. Eyes boring holes into the floor, neither bothered to lift their gazes once the pair of adults had lifted foot onto the premises. Quick chatter and mindless prattle set the atmosphere as the two lighthearted parents traipsed through the front rooms, rehashing and ranting about the times.  When they met the frightened figures resembling naughty children awaiting them, the air silenced.
     "Hey! What are you two doing?" Delicate stilettos swung from the tips of her fingers.  The atmosphere changed when her father stepped into the room.
     Backs straightening, throats clearing, Ash grimaced as the words flew from her lips, "We need to talk to you guys."
     "OK. What about?"  The expressions on her parents faces darkened.  Sucking her cheeks, she gulped down the hot air threatening to spill out.
     "Maybe this would be easier if you would sit down. Please."  Sinking into the overstuffed chairs across from them, panic froze the shocked features.
     "I get the feeling this isn't you telling us... No. I don't want to guess."  Her mother wiped tears from watery eyes.   "Why am I crying? Ridiculous.  I just... Please don't tell me."
     "Mom, Dad......We're pregnant."